ODE TO SPECIAL MOMS

Ode to Special Moms

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social 
pressures and a couple by habit.

This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children.
 Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for 
propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs
 his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, 
patron saint, Cecilia.

"Rudledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint, give her Gerard. He's used to 
profanity."

Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped 
child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," says God. "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does 
not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of 
self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll 
handle it.

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is 
so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give 
her has his own world. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not 
going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just 
enough selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, 
she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child
 less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. 
She will never take for granted a 'spoken word.' She will never consider a 
'step' ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will 
be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset 
to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see . . . ignorance, 
cruelty, prejudice . . . and allow her to rise above them. She will never 
be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, 
because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, pen poised midair.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

- Erma Bombeck, May, 1980

Heaven's Very Special Child

A meeting was held quite far from earth


It's time again for another birth


Said the angel to the Lord above


This special child will need much love

His progress may be very slow


Accomplishments he may not show

And he'll require extra care
from the folks he meets down there


He may not run or laugh or play


His thoughts may seem quite far away


In many ways he won't adapt


And he'll be known as handicapped


So let's be careful where he's sent


We want his life to be content


Please Lord, find the parents who
Will do a special job for you


They'll not realize right away
The leading role they're asked to play


But with this child sent from above


Comes stronger faith and richer love


And soon they'll know the privileges given
In caring for their gift from heaven


Their precious charge, so meek and mild
Is "HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD"

- Author Unknown

Play Partner - What Type Are You?

You know that children learn best through play - but do you know how to play the best way to help them learn? When adults play with children they tend to fall into the role of either the entertainer, the director, or the observer. The entertainer does anything they can to keep the child's attention. They dance, they sing, they jump around, which can all be great fun, but they often forget to let the child join in with them. The director spends play time teaching and instructing and forgets to make it fun. They tend to talk at the child rather than to him or her and they dominate the interaction. The observer doesn't know how to join into the child's game and sits back and watches instead. Observing is a great start for learning about a particular child, but joining in is key to helping children learn through play.

Becoming a responsive partner to your child is the ultimate goal in learning to play to learn. A responsive partner is able to adapt activities to allow a child at any stage of development to participate and take a turn(focus is on the child versus the toy or activity, make comments rather than question); to add information during an activity to help the child learn (label, describe, exaggerate key words, expand upon current knowledge); and to allow the child to lead the interaction to where they want to go(what is your child interested in, how do they want to play with this toy or game, what book do they choose). During play the responsive partner is face to face with the child and always reinforces that they are listening by interpreting what the child says, commenting on what the child is doing and adding information. Being a responsive play partner helps your child to feel valued, to trust that you are listening, and to learn to include you in the game.

Once in the game, the opportunities to teach your child are endless - but getting in takes work. Try video taping yourself playing with your child and identify the type of partner you tend to be to your child. Use these observations to come up with strategies to move towards becoming a more responsive partner during play.

Information in this post was adapted from The Hanen Program - It Takes Two to Talk.

How Are Your Play Skills?

When I started out as a speech-language pathologist I remember how worried some of my classmates were about the clinical portion of our education - our first treatment sessions with actual real live clients. This was difficult for some, but I was lucky as I was one of the ones that just seemed to "get it". The hour (typical session time) just seemed to fly by, but I had friends that would complain that an hour was too long and that after 15 minutes or so the child would get bored and become "difficult to engage". At the time I didn't understand it and in my youthful arrogance I decided I was just a better therapist than they were and let it go at that.

It was not until I started my first supervisory position and began to watch other people's therapy sessions that I realized one therapist was not necessarily better than another in terms of knowledge of speech development but in knowledge of play. The ability to play with children in a functional way is not something that comes naturally to everyone and the disparity among the therapists that I observed was significant. Knowledge of speech development is, of course, integral to being a successful pediatric speech therapist, but the ability to be a great play partner is key.

Play was not a skill that was directly taught when I was in school but during this period I realized that it certainly needed to be. Children love to play and this is how they develop, learn and grow. As someone responsible for teaching a child, being good at play is not simply a bonus skill in your bag of tricks - it is the bag itself. I have always been a "kid person" but up until that point I had never given much thought to what actually made me a kid person. Children always wanted to play with me because, it turns out, I am a great playmate. With this realization I decided I needed to know what actually makes for good play so I could teach other therapists that were struggling in this area how to be a better playmate which would lead to better progress in therapy and more opportunities for learning.

Steps to Becoming a Better Playmate:

The first step in improving play skills is, believe it or not, put away the toys. Grown-ups often rely on toys to help them engage with children, but to become better at playing the toys need to go for a while. This is one of the bet ways to get your child like imagination back in gear. Imagination is the cornerstone of play. As adults we become literal and children are anything but literal when it comes to play. The thought of a one hour therapy session without one toy is daunting for many therapists, but the ability to engage with a child without anything but your brain is the best way to really get to know that child and to learn what their interests are and to see inside to where their imagination takes them.

Putting away the toys is the best way to learn how to focus on the child rather than the toys, and it is a great way to let a child know that you value them and that they are important. It is also the fastest way to learn how to do more than just hear what a child is saying. When you focus all of your attention on the child you are not simply hearing, but listening. It is listening that allows you to be a more responsive play and communication partner which will create better opportunities for learning. Listening will allow you to simply follow where the child leads and where the child leads is without a doubt where the best opportunities for teaching exists.

Give putting away the toys a try and let me know how it goes. I truly believe it is the first step in entering into a child's world rather than having them enter into your world. Next up we will take a look at the different roles that adults take on during play and whether or not they are effective - so be sure and follow this blog or check back so you don't miss out!

Better Late Than Never - Right?

I intended to post more on play on the day following my previous post but things don't always go as planned. I have had two deaths in my family in the span of two weeks and, as I am sure you can all imagine, my focus shifted a bit. I was only able to get done what absolutely had to be done and unfortunately updating my blog did not make the cut. I am, however, slowly getting out of the fog I have been in and back to work. I will have the play post up by this afternoon.

Play Is Work

For children, playing is more than just play - it is work. They are working to learn about themselves and the world around them. They are working to learn how to interact using words, what words mean, and how to put words together to express thoughts and ideas. They are working to learn how to solve problems, store memories, and to remember new information. They are working to learn how to grasp, to carry things, run, to climb and to balance. They are also working to learn how to negotiate, to cooperate, and how to play by the rules.

Theodore Roosevelt once said "Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing" - so remember to always work hard to play with your children to give you both a chance at one of life's best prizes - work worth doing!

Working hard as an adult to play seems silly to you I am sure - I mean how hard can it be? - it's only playing. The surprising answer is that it is much harder than you would think and many grown-ups, it turns out, are not such naturals at great playing after all so check back tomorrow for some tips on how to be a better playmate to your child.

Great News for Say-N-Play

Say-N-Play was picked up by Technology for Education. Check out the website at www.tfeinc.com.